This is a question I ask myself daily.
I worry about this quite a lot and analyse all the moments when I fall short.
It’s so easy now with social media pushing perfection everywhere you look, to judge yourself and hold yourself to high and unrealistic standards. Us mums are meant to work, maintain a clean and tidy home, cook healthy and un-processed dinners, we should do regular activities and arts and crafts, we need to take care of ourselves and remember all school dates, appointments and birthdays of friends and family while teaching and entertaining out little ones.
Of course, my kids tell me often that they love me, my youngest has started to tell me he loves me more than the cinema, which by his book, is the highest compliment. However, my oldest is also at an age when he can quite happily tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore, (usually when I’ve turned off the ipad). This leaves me crying into the washing up bowl just trying to think of how I can be a better mum.
Tonight, I found myself asking my husband this very question. Am I a good mother? He looked at me as if I’d asked him if the sky was blue.
“Of course,” he replied.
However, I still sat there and went through all the times I’ve put a pizza in the oven instead of cooking a healthy meal, every moment I let them have screen time instead of engaging them in arts and crafts or an activity, the times I lose my temper after I’ve asked them nicely to put their shoes on ten times, the moments when I zone out when they are telling me a never ending story and when I won’t let my oldest have a mobile phone even though all his friends do.
I worry daily that I’m not leading by example with healthy eating, I work too much, I don’t have a spotless home, that I lied to the doctor about the screen time and that I sometimes just don’t have the energy to take them to the park.
Yet I look at other mums who I know are also just getting on with it, and I admire them. I think they are strong supermums who are doing all they can for their kids. I see that that they are not perfect, yet they are putting their kids first. I would never judge my friends for serving up fish fingers and beans or letting them watch 4 episodes of bluey so they can clean.
Why do I not extend that same admiration to myself? My kids are happy (most of the time), healthy, well fed and clean. They experience lots of new things and we do exciting things together. I might not be perfect, but no one is. I’m doing my best with what life throws at me, and that’s all that I can do.
So, am I a good mother? Just by asking that question and caring about the answer I’m a good mother. So, every time I forget to give myself some grace after I’ve forgotten to do the school reading, I can ask that question, and I will make an effort to tell myself that I am, because I care.
