Photo by Colin Davis on Unsplash
by Aamir Samia
The following story contains mention of suicide. Please engage in self-care or reach out to your loved ones or a mental health professional if you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or tendencies
This is the fifth of a multi-part series. Please click here for the fourth. Names have been changed to protect identities.
The 7 Key Principles of Shape Wellbeing are listed here:
The 7 Key Principles of Shape Wellbeing are listed here:
Empathy
Compassion
Acceptance
Non-Judgement
Open & Honest
Genuine & Real
Empowerment
I’ve had my fair share of struggles with both drugs and alcohol. There was a period when I was doing either MDMA or cocaine almost every day. The alcohol came packaged with it, of course.
I was depressed and I used these as coping mechanisms. Escapism, from the bleak despair I felt life was at the time.
Alcohol and drugs ruin lives when abused.
In the United States, over 140,000 people die annually from excessive alcohol abuse. This figure doesn’t cover the numerous crimes committed under the influence, or the additional number of deaths involving drug abuse.
I believe it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and even some drugs like marijuana. It’s when they’re abused, which they so often are when problems begin to arise.
Addictions are defined as neuropsychological disorders characterized by a persistent and intense urge to engage in certain behaviours despite substantial harm and other negative consequences.
Alcohol and drugs aren’t the only addictions that exist today. Whilst social media provides us with a lot of benefits, many of us can feel the need to be constantly connected, with access to millions in the palm of our hands.
Social Media
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Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash
Social media sites such as Instagram have features such as ‘likes’. Many people base their self-worth and value on the number of likes they receive on a picture.
Even on Medium, a lot of us can struggle for motivation when we evaluate our work on the number of claps or comments we might receive. The truth is a lot of our best work may never get the reach we feel it deserves, whilst a blog post we might think isn’t great could become our most read piece.
I avoid social media sites like Instagram because it just adds added pressure. I know when I have Instagram on my phone, I can just end up scrolling endlessly through pictures of people more attractive, richer and ‘happier’ than me.
It’s like keeping up with the Joneses, except the Joneses are crypto millionaires who ‘made it’ when they were 18.
This is where SHAPE can come in handy. I often have an ‘all or nothing’ attitude, which causes me to devalue myself. Being empathetic to myself allows me to zoom out of that toxic mindset that the 1% is the only thing that’s worthy.
By being non-judgmental, I’m able to reframe my mindset and add perspective. From there I’m able to regain control and pull myself out of the mental pitfall I fall into.
Validation, Alcohol and Drugs
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
I struggle with low self-esteem. I’ve been trying to work on it, especially over the past few months when I realised I needed a change in my life.
Unfortunately, I’m one of those people who values themself based upon the opinion of others. Often just a single individual, which makes matter worse.
In the triad this week, I spoke about my issues with validation. It’s something I’ve struggled with consistently from the age of around 20.
At first, it was the way I look. At the moment, I’m struggling with my identity, specifically the way others view me.
I feel because I often have a ‘shield’ around me, I struggle to connect, especially romantically. It’s like I’m wearing a mask, afraid to let people know the real me.
I’ve been dating recently, and I feel like there’s been a consistent theme. There’ll be the initial attraction, but that seems to fizzle out.
There’s been a cycle of this, and it’s diminished my self-worth each time. I call it an addiction because I’m chasing that need to connect but at the same time I know it’s just damaging me, bit by bit.
I think a reason why I may be struggling is that I’ll often meet girls under the influence of alcohol.
Alcohol can be fun. It lowers my inhibitions and gives me a level of freedom. I’m a different person, essentially.
But that energy isn’t something I can maintain. I’m an introvert by nature, and meeting people with a mask on isn’t the way to build a connection.
A ‘Shapely’ approach is beneficial even when it comes to dating. Exploring what matters to others, through empathy and honesty is going to give me that connection I’m after rather than being blind drunk and blathering shit to other drunk people.
Wrap Up
Whilst my struggles with alcohol are relatively mild, there are plenty of people out there where alcohol and drugs have ruined their lives.
Another struggle is the possibility of a relapse. I’ve found myself in situations where I fall into the same old pitfalls with my addictions. If I feel hurt, I’ll find myself reaching out for a bottle to cope.
Reframing to regain control, meditation and basic breathing exercises are useful tools I use to ground myself. It’s easier to have another drink and hide away from the pain than to do the hard work and sit with it.
Habits. It takes time, especially when you’re addicted to a substance or a particular thing. By practising positive habits over time, it takes less exertion to not reach out for another drink, check Instagram or engage in self-destructive behaviour.
Shape’s 7 Key Principles has provided me with a great framework to empower myself out of a relapse, and back onto the path of the destination I’m trying to reach.
